From Tears to Flower Doodles
Foxxy Wizdom with Charmaine Roots Castillo
From Tears to Flower Doodles
As I sit humbly waiting on my thoughts for this edition of Foxxy Wizdom to gather, just one day before the submission deadline, the pressure manifests as frustration and feelings of worthlessness. "I've got nothing," I hear myself say. It's what I had been hearing in my head for the past three weeks, but this time, I said it aloud.
It's 3 a.m. I'm quietly awaiting lady inspiration when I hear those words again. "I've got nothing." My eyes burn, and a tear releases, landing on my empty legal pad--yes, I love writing on legal pads--the yellow ones. I immediately draw a circle around the teardrop and use it as the backdrop of a flower doodle. I look at my sketch, smile, and reflect on how I just created a flower from a teardrop. Finding the brighter perspective has always been my uncanny ability and something I desire to impart to the readers of Cheryl Magazine every issue to encourage and foster hope. But a hectic schedule, looming deadlines, and feeling overwhelmed had me lethargic and feeling like I was in a slump without a written plan on how I intended to meet my goal. All of this stifled my creativity. No written plan of action is the equivalent of no action.
The countless tasks awaiting me felt like visions of sugarplums dancing in my head. I needed to capture the thoughts and write them down. I could not find the energy to do anything except indulge in my guilty pleasure, laughing out loud as I binge-watched the comedic clips of Katt Williams. It is good to laugh. At that moment, though, I was laughing away the pain of procrastination. It was a temporary fix, and I knew I had to do better. I had a deadline and needed to write something. I pick up my pen and faintly hear, "I've got nothing." I then heard an even louder thought that sounded a lot like Katt Williams! In his voice, I heard, "No wonder you ain't got nothin', cuz that's what you been sayin' for the last three weeks. Do you really expect somethin' to all of a sudden manifest when you keep sayin' you ain't got nothing? What happened to positive affirmations?" Lord, have mercy! A real-time epiphany with the voice of Katt Williams? I had to pick myself up and allow my actions to align with my goals. An affirmative pep talk of positive affirmations was in order. In this case: I will stop procrastinating, I am a good steward of my time, I will write down my goals and give them a completion date, I will deliver what I promised, I will check out Katt Williams when my work is done!
What is the lesson here? Quietly listening to the voice of inadequacy is not fruitful. Giving in to those feelings is harmful. Let me ask you, what have you been saying to yourself? Is it true? Do you quietly listen to the voice of your feelings in moments when you are not at your best? Do you give in to the negativity and voice words that sabotage your creativity? We must speak positivity and life of abilities and ourselves. Say to ourselves what we know we are, not what we feel we are in a singular low moment. Say what we can do, not talk ourselves out of our abilities, especially concerning something we know we are fully capable of on any other day.
Moving forward, I will be intentional about which thoughts I will feed because I can't afford to speak negative things out loud. It can be costly. I value the gift entrusted to me, and I present it with the purest heart. I am well able to master every task given to me. I celebrate myself and my abilities with thanksgiving and humbleness, knowing that Wisdom comes on the wings of humility. Now that’s some Foxxy Wizdom!
