Fear of Abandonment
Daddy Issues
Our subconscious low-key has a way of tucking away some of our greatest fears. Except, those fears are not actually tucked away. They are more like, hidden in plain sight. These fears are a culmination of some of our most impactful experiences. You know, the traumas we have experienced that seemingly caused us to make an internal vow never to put ourselves in that situation again. The ones we just brushed off and “forgot.” We move on, continue living life, and taking care of business, but there’s just one little problem. Our subconscious never forgot those experiences. It has been acting as a protector ever since. It's not necessarily wrong attempting to move on. However, sometimes, if we do not slow down and take inventory of ourselves, the situations we’ve encountered, and how our bodies respond to similar circumstances, we can miss the opportunity to explore why we are the way we are and why we do the things we do.
I took the initiative to seek counseling. When I began unpacking some of my traumas, I realized I was subconsciously holding onto one of my biggest fears—the fear of abandonment. I further understood that this was how I was navigating through my relationships, both personal and familial. Abandonment issues can surface in a variety of ways: the desire to please others, giving too much in a relationship, an inability to trust, or in my case, not wanting to let go and persisting in unhealthy relationships. I found myself continually wanting to make things work, whether it was with friends, family members, or significant others. Unfortunately, this was mainly to my detriment. Sitting in therapy, when I first recalled feeling abandoned, I could not believe that it had appeared to follow me my whole life. It created this habit of trying so hard not to lose who or what I thought I needed. When we think about it, isn’t it ironic that we essentially abandon ourselves when we stick around in situations that do not serve us properly? This realization alone was a game-changer for me. Attempting to hold on to someone toxic was not going to assist me in eliminating my fears. So, I placed the responsibility for healing on myself. The path to healing may look different for everyone, but here are Seven Tips I found helpful while working through my fears of abandonment.
Acknowledge your hurt.
Show yourself grace and compassion.
Practice becoming emotionally self-reliant by making it your responsibility to cheer yourself up if you’re down.
Find what makes you happy and do it often.
Don’t be afraid to be your most authentic self.
Pay attention to how you feel when around others. The people who are supposed to be in your life won’t make you feel like you have to work hard to get them to stay.
Lastly, in the words of Fantasia Barrino, understand that “sometimes you gotta lose to win again,” so don’t hesitate to value yourself enough to walk away.
Thank you for joining me again for Daddy Issues. Why the name? I aim to reverse the feeling women get every time we hear that phrase. There is a stigma attached to it. It’s often used as a weapon, with the intent to make us feel like we are the problem. Dispelling the misnomer includes providing new information on something that was named before its true nature was known. I’ll attempt to do that in each Cheryl Magazine issue as I address behaviors and characteristics that developed from our father’s lack of skill and ability to bond with, encourage, teach, or support us. To all the young girls and grown women. It was never your fault. The issue was his. And because of your daddy’s issue, you found yourself improperly navigating relationships. Let’s talk about it. For the record, Daddy Issues is an opinion column. I’m not a clinical professional or expert on the subject. I’m just a girl who needed her daddy. If you’d like to connect, follow me on Instagram: @tessalexandria_ or Facebook: Tess Alexandria. If you have questions or a topic you’d like to discuss, email me at tess@cherylmagazine.com
Singer, Best-selling Author, Radio Personality,
and Contributing Editor for Cheryl Magazine
